Pickup Lines

I’ve heard just about every pickup line there is- some are actually funny, but none are effective if you want to find a quality woman. Men, imagine you are that attractive woman you see at Rittenhouse Square every weekend- now imagine all the recycled pickup lines she hears. She has probably heard every pickup line ever invented. You think she’ll be impressed when she hears you regurgitate some memorized line you borrowed from a friend, who heard the same line from his friend, who actually stole it from the internet or a movie?

Not only are pickup lines unoriginal, they are all dead ends. Suppose you do make her laugh when you approach her and say “Hey, do you mind if I flirt with you for a second?” Ok, she laughs- then what? Do you have another follow up line you memorized? When does it all end until you actually have to have a meaningful conversation? Guys, women aren’t looking for unoriginal boys, they are looking for mature confident men with substance and depth- authentic men. Pickup lines prove you have no personality at all, which is why you lifted someone else’s ‘dead horse’ of an introduction.

Have you ever seen another man get completely rejected using a pickup line? It’s very embarrassing not just for him, but for all men within earshot who get hit with ‘rejection shrapnel’- you can tell who got wounded by their disgusted facial expressions. When you get a chance, keep your eyes on a single attractive woman in a social setting. Watch the men that approach her and watch their body language and their walk as they approach- you’ll notice those who use pickup lines dont walk like a confident Clint Eastwood, they walk with their hands in their pockets and look very insecure. The moment women hear a pickup line, they’re gone- you’re an amateur.

So, what do you say when you approach a woman? You don’t have to say much at all if your approach is cool and confident. Women can tell if you’re uncomfortable or anxious, and it will make them feel the same way. If you’re nervous, they’ll be nervous, if you’re rude, they’ll be rude. But if your approach, like Clint Eastwood, is cool and confident you only have to make a friendly observation to get the ball rolling. Trust me, they know the idea is just to have a conversation so you can get to know each other. Saying practically anything with confidence is acceptable. Just talk about what’s going on around you at the moment (observational), or ask a question about something she’s doing: “Do you always get that milk stout, I was wondering if I should give it a try?” Something as simple as this works well- it’s not contrived, it’s about something in the moment, and it’s very nonthreatening. These three elements make your conversation very natural, and she’ll be very comfortable- this is what both of you want. If you’re wondering what you’re going to say after your initial chit chat, here’s a hint: just listen to her. Her response may give you clues about what to talk about next. What if she replies: ”My grandfather used to make his own milk stout- it’s my favorite.” Imagine the many directions you can take the conversation with a response like that! Just listen to what she says, don’t think about what you’re going to say next as she’s talking- pay attention to her and everything will come naturally.

I’ve used the most simple observations to make an introduction. I saw a woman staring at a drink menu and I could tell she was having trouble making a decision by the expression on her face, so I walked over to her and said: “It looks like you can’t figure out what to get. What do you usually like?” It’s almost like I came over and rescued her. She gladly asked for my advice and the conversation took off. It’s just that simple. I didn’t plan or rehearse anything, so everything I said just smoothly rolled off my tongue.

You will not attract a quality woman using memorized conversation starters or pickup lines- women can smell a fraud a mile away. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to have a perfect conversation, just live in the moment and learn to have relaxed conversations that will allow both of you to open up and have a fun experience.

Women: Flirt Like Zita!

I decided I’m going to do podcasts every week, maybe I’ll make it Thursdays?

Anyway, this blog is just for the women! I have a friend I met years ago in the water when I was surfing- if you remember the beach is one of my comfort places. Her name is Zita; she was born in Italy from Italian and Greek parents, and came here to America when she was a teen. I learned a lot about how women flirt and attract men through Zita- she is still, to this day, the first name that comes to mind when think of a woman who has absolute control over her dating life. Zita could absolutely control men through her flirting- she was able to direct her attraction signals to any man in the room and lure them into approaching her. This blog and pocast is a must for any woman.

Please listen to the podcast I attached below. ANY woman can learn A LOT from Zita:
How to Flirt effectively
How to use body language to send signals to men
How to control the room and the men in it
How to have complete control over her dating life.

Women really do have the power to determine who approaches them- shouldn’t you harness this power to entice the man you want to approach you?

Please feel free to make any suggestions for my future blogs and podcasts- I love to take requests. Enjoy this podcast:

Ladies, Are You Available?

I took a leisurely walk to check my PO Box on Chestnut street as I do usually every day during the lunch hour when people spill out into the street. I make a habit of observing everything around me; the sights, the sounds and especially the people. As I make my way down 3rd I give a look and a smile to everyone that passes me by, and maybe even a “How are you?” if you give me a head nod. Every time someone acknowledges my ‘hello’, or even my existence, I look at the situation like it’s another opportunity to meet someone new. I’ve met a lot of people waiting at a red light, just striking up a conversation about a local restaurant, or asking their opinion about something timely in Philly. Every time I make myself available to have a conversation, I create an opportunity to meet someone new. I create opportunities!

So, now you understand my mindset. What actually happened on the way to my PO Box was unfortunately way too common. I passed exactly 42 women during my roundtrip- only two women actually acknowledged I was even there! I got one hello, and one head nod- all the others didn’t even make eye contact with me! Some had their heads buried in their BlackBerrys, or their eyes were glued to the ground. Now to add some comedy to my story, I am actually a good looking guy, tall, a good dresser and in great shape too. I’m only saying this because I think it would be more of a reason for the opposite sex to at least make eye contact. Why does this happen? The women saw me, or they would have walked right into me- right?

Here are the three most popular excuses women, and particularly women, have for not making eye contact- and they are all just excuses.
Paranoia. “I don’t want every guy to think I’m attracted to him.” Men are not going to think you’re attracted to them because you merely acknowledged their existence. Men are just visual animals- if you asked any man to create their perfect girlfriend, they would first go into a physical description before they described personality. If men look at you it’s because they are physically attracted to you, this is an opportunity- try having a conversation first before you judge them. Here is the other one I hear: “I’m in public and they’re strangers- what if they’re psychos or stalkers?” Fact: there is statistically a greater chance of getting struck by lightning, than having an alleged ”psycho” misinterpret your ‘hello’ as a sexual ‘buy signal’ and they stalk you all the way to your business in the middle of the day- this is not going to happen.
“Men Should Make the First Move” The irony behind this statement is that it’s most often said by single women; my typical retort is: “well, how is your waiting strategy working out for you?” I do somewhat agree that men should be making the first move, but only because I’m one of the 5% of men out there who will approach anyone, even those who particularly look unapproachable. The fact is men will not approach you if your body language says “stay away”. Staring at the ground, making love to your Blackberry, avoiding eye contact, or crossing your arms are not buy signals for men. Even the most confident man will hesitate approaching a woman he’s attracted to if she looks like she’s unavailable, uninterested, or cold. Look, ladies, the only work you have to do is display body language that says you’re available. If you make eye contact with a man and smile he will come over- I call that ‘encouragement’. Learn to control your body language- show everyone that you’re available and men will want to meet you. You, however, can control your dating life by encouraging the attractive men to approach you by smiling, making eye contact, saying “hello”, and just flirting.
Location: “I go to meet men elsewhere, when I’m dressed up and go out.” Isn’t it better to casually run into a local man who frequents the same spots you do on a regular basis than give a total stranger, likely under the influence of alcohol, your number at a bar? Men don’t have an agenda when they’re at Wholefoods, or walking back to the office from lunch. Also, if you see an attractive man at Wholefoods, you’re likely to see him again because he’s a local- isn’t this convenient too? If you’re attracted to a man, flirt with him, and encourage him to come over. The best places to meet men are those places that are part of your daily routine!

I try to be brief- but it never works! The message here is that if you’re not making yourself available, you’re passing up several opportunities everyday to meet the man of your dreams, or make new friends. I’m not asking you to do a lot of work- just be approachable and you’ll double your chances of having a man you’re attracted to, approach you. If you are friendly, we are friendly; if you are cold- we are cold. Get your eyes off the ground and away from your iPhone- observe who’s looking at you, and attract the ones you want to meet. I have a menu of courses just for women, in the “Women Only” drop down box at the top of my home page.

Should I Have a Wingman?

A lot of people ask me my opinion about having a wingman- and my answer varies, but only slightly. Lemme explain.

If you have “approach anxiety” because you don’t have the confidence to meet people on your own, then having a wingman can be beneficial. Your wingman however should be your role model- someone you ‘aspire’ to be because they can approach any woman and start an engaging conversation. Find a friend who is a natural conversationalist, a natural socialite- look at how he walks, talks, and most importantly observe his body language. A man that naturally exudes confidence attracts women- this is the man you want to learn from- he should be your wingman. Remember- CONFIDENCE attracts women. Standing there, staring at a woman is creepy and uncomfortable- she will notice your hesitation and lack of confidence and likely exhibit ‘uncomfortable’ body language if you even approach at all.

Women, you should find a ‘wingman’ who knows how to flirt. Find a friend who knows how to smile, who knows how to use her body language to get guys to come her way. Watch the way she walks, the way she enters the room- study her body language- what is it about her that attracts men? She will certainly know how to ‘work’ the room to find a man who can catch her attention, and keep it. She will be fun, and is your first choice for a wingman. As I explained in my last blog, ‘women’s night out’ will only deter most men from approaching you.

Most guys go wrong by selecting a wingman of equal or even less talent. Ultimately they both end up leaning against the wall, with their hands in their pockets staring at women, making comments all night: “wow, that woman is beautiful, after this drink I’m going to go talk to her.” But neither guy ever makes a move and they spend the entire night elbowing each other in the ribs, gawking at the women. Better yet are the excuses I hear, like: “my game isn’t on tonight, so maybe you should talk to her.” What’s worse is the consoling between wingmen when one gets shot down: “That’s okay buddy, she wasn’t as hot as I thought she was anyway”- sour grapes. A Wingman is supposed to help you improve your skills through constructive criticism and leading by example.

The best answer to the wingman question is to not have one at all. If I’m out on my own, I don’t have to put up with my friend’s thoughts on the woman I’m attracted to, and want to approach- I don’t need his approval. Frankly, women see a man on his own as a confident man. Would an insecure man wander into a social scene and approach multiple women unless he had confidence? I also don’t need any wingman support because I’m smart about ‘where’ I meet women. I stick to my comfort places like the beach where I am an authority and therefore very confident. A woman watching me on the beach would immediately recognize me as being very relaxed- if I approach her she will therefore be very relaxed which makes conversation very easy. If I connect with her, asking for her number or a date will only be a natural progression.

Women- as I explained before in other blogs you are twice as likely to be approached by a man if you are not part of a group, or if you are by yourself. The best advice I can give to any woman looking to meet men is to stick with your comfort places. If you are comfortable and relaxed, your body language will show it- you will appear “open and approachable” and men will come your way. When you’re ‘open’ you gain complete control over ‘who’ you attract by throwing smiles, looks, and flirty words in their direction.

If you can, go without a wingman unless you need some pointers- then find a wingman you can emulate.

Can You Be Yourself…

….and EMBRACE it?

Your smallest insecurities and self-doubt can surface when you’re in the social spotlight, especially when it comes to meeting the opposite sex. Some people even allow their insecurities to develop into an intense anxiety, which prevents them from approaching new people- this is called “approach anxiety.” People with approach anxiety often feel like they’re being scrutinized by others- they are paranoid about their ‘flaws’ and feel very uncomfortable in their skin. I see this mostly with guys who hesitate to approach a woman they’ve been eyeing up all night; when they finally approach they mumble their words, or stutter or just appear so stressed that the woman becomes uncomfortable.

Listen- you have to become comfortable with who you are- embrace it. You may not look like Brad Pitt, but that may be an unfair comparison, right? You are going to be your worst critic every time, you are going to be the hardest on yourself- most of the time your insecurities are fabricated or extremely magnified. A genuine man, comfortable in his own skin exudes confidence, no matter what he looks like. And if you’ve been reading any of my blogs you know that Confidence is everything- no matter what you look like.

I have a good friend who is shorter, balding, and a little on the chubby side. Lemme tell you- he gets a lot of women “way out of his league”. How does he do this? Everyone asks that same question. Lemme tell you more about him. All his friends, most of whom are actually good looking guys, follow him out on weekend nights to meet women. Sound unfair? You’re wrong. This guy has a lot of Confidence in himself; he exudes so much confidence you just know when he walks in the room. The women Love his confidence. He doesn’t care that he doesn’t have abs, or a sculpted body- you would think he never knew at all about his physique. He’s a great conversationalist and can approach anyone, and make them laugh, or engage them in an interesting story- this is what does it. He’s not only comfortable with himself, he’s completely embraced it. I’ve seen him get ‘rejected’- no big deal…a smile and he moves on. He’s no Brad Pitt, but he’s confident and so charming. He knows women consider looks, but it’s only one part of the equation. He knows there are women out there who either prefer his body type, or just don’t care. More importantly he’s happy with who he is and understands finding the woman perfect for him is just a process- a series of encounters and conversations with new people every day.

So, here are your two options. Examine yourself and identify those things about yourself that you’d like to improve or change altogether; these things can be your physical appearance, your mindset, or your communication skills. Then put an action plan to improve yourself. Making improvements helps to build Confidence and this is what you need to become comfortable in your own skin. Keep in mind there are some things about you that cannot be changed- but what do you offer that can be highlighted? Your other option is to be like my friend, and love who you are- embrace it, don’t hide or disguise anything. You want to be 100% authentically you! When you are- the confidence will show, and you will attract the kind of people you wanna meet.

Don’t attempt to be someone you’re not- if you can’t be yourself, who can you be? I’ve seen men and women lie about their age, income, body type and personal history on the online dating sites. It’s not a well thought out strategy. Ultimately when you do land a date, you will have a lot of explaining to do and you’ll be exposed as a fraud- this won’t do anything to help that confidence you’re looking for either.

Learn to be yourself. Work on the things you can improve, and accept the rest as being a part of You. If you need help with your communication and behavioral skills, that’s what I’m here for. There is someone out there who WILL accept you for you- but you’ll never know if you hide who you are, or don’t embrace it.

The Beach, Wholefoods, and Cafe Ole

If this were Jeopardy, the correct response would be “What are three places I am very comfortable going to meet women?” What are your three places?

It just so happens, I can go to those three places and speak to as many women as I’d like without any hesitation or awkwardness, every time. I have been successful meeting women, and getting first dates almost at will. Why is this? Because these are three places I know very well, and can always drum up something interesting and engaging to talk about when I’m there- especially the beach.

I have no hesitation to talk with anyone on the beach- I feel like it’s “my” turf. Here’s why: I’m an avid year round die hard surfer, I’m a certified freediver with underwater rescue skills, and I spend a lot of time socializing on the beach- I could probably run for Mayor of my local beach and win. In other words, it’s an environment where I have a lot of knowledge, and knowledge breeds Confidence. I can “talk story” to no end about the ocean, or about sea life, or about anything to do with the surf. My stories are funny, entertaining, or exciting because the beach is very familiar ground- nothing I say is contrived, planned or edited. So I don’t fumble or mumble when talking with women; everything I say is said with the utmost confidence, and this is what women are really attracted to: Confidence. I exude Confidence when I’m in the ocean or on the beach, and it shows in the relaxed way I walk, talk, and in my body language. I can approach a woman picking up shells and start a conversation about where to find better shells in a place that most people overlook- it’s that simple- this is how connections begin. I have given numerous surf lessons, so I can easily offer advice to someone having trouble in the water. All the lifeguards know me, and most people recognize me every year as ‘that surfer guy’ who’s always socializing. It’s impossible for me to feel uncomfortable on the beach. I can nonchalantly walk up to the most beautiful woman on the beach and start a very casual, relaxed conversation, without a hitch, while all the other guys cower in fear.

Guys, what I’m trying to tell is that you must reevaluate where it is you’re going to meet women. Confession: I’m not that comfortable trying to connect with women in bars, especially if it’s loud, and saturated with cheesy pickup artists- the women there are on their defense, and rightfully so. I therefore don’t go to bars and clubs to meet women. The last thing women want to hear are the SAME horrible contrived ice breakers and cheesy pick up lines- they’ve heard them all before and then you get thrown into the bin with all the other rejects. Don’t walk up to her and tell her she’s beautiful- she knows this already. If you have to struggle to think about what to say when you’re approaching a woman, it’s likely you’re going to sound like all the others she’s shot down many times before. Be original, say something interesting, say something that comes to you while you’re in the moment- if this sounds hard you might want to think about relocating to another place where you have the confidence to talk nonchalantly, and with confidence.

Think of a number of places where you are comfortable because you are Knowledgeable, or because it is a very familiar place. If you were an Art History major, wouldn’t it be easy to chat with the woman standing next to you at an art exhibit? Of course, and you would sound natural- every word that left your mouth wasn’t edited, it came from your passion, and you said it with confidence- and women love confidence. Women can also smell a poser a mile away. See the difference? So, if you have approach anxiety, start with some places where you are comfortable. Strike up conversations with as many women as possible- you’ll notice how natural your conversations come to you- this is what you want. Learn from this, and think twice before you go somewhere with your friends to “pick up” some women.

BlackBerry Kills Intimacy

I can remember a time when cell phones couldn’t text, didn’t have “apps”, and weren’t attached to people wherever they went. Going out to Old City meant you would have to communicate with someone by engaging them in conversation- it was all about the approach then. Everyone was out to have fun with the friends they were with, and they were looking to connect with new people, to make new friends through personal interaction. If I met someone that night, we exchanged phone numbers, and maybe email (maybe). I can remember the excitement of checking my voicemail when I returned home, or checking my email the next day to see if my correspondence was answered.

Look around the room when you’re out on the town next time- how many people have their heads down, eyes glued on the CrackBerry, texting or emailing other people who aren’t even in the room? Can you believe this- they’re surrounded by complete strangers, and they’re choosing to talk to people somewhere far away?! Ridiculous. How are people going to connect if they arrive with their smart phone in their hands? People today are letting technology kill intimacy, romance, and the art of conversation.

Imagine all the opportunities you miss to meet new people because your head is down, pecking away at your keys, texting. When I’m in line at my local cafe, half the people there have their eyes glued to their iPhone, or BlackBerry. None of these people were wearing a wedding ring either- all of them were single. And the opportunities to chat with a stranger, the chances to interact with someone new, to have interesting conversations, is lost. Open your eyes- look around- go introduce yourself. Turn off your phone, or at least put it on ’silent’ mode. No email, text, or IM is that important that you cannot wait for a few minutes. How can you interpret the posture of the single woman in front of you if you’re not looking her way? Women- how can you notice which men are looking your way if you’re constantly checking your email? How can eye contact be made between people in the same room, or sharing the same sidewalk, or in the same checkout line, if your attention is on your phone.

Women- this is especially important for you. People are waiting to connect, people are just dying to meet new people- are you available? I have no qualms about approaching an attractive woman who is glued to her phone, but I can see how most men would interpret her behavior as “closed for business”. All men have their eyes on you, and they look at you several times an hour (about 20 times) if they’re attracted to you. They are waiting for you to make eye contact with them, and smile; they want to see a change in your posture that tells them “approach me”.

You’ll never know how many opportunities you’ve missed already- they’re gone forever.

What’s worse is what I see happening on dates. Men & Women are guilty of bringing their cell phones with them to dinner! Just last week at Radicchio’s, there was a couple next to me- each of them had a home for their phone- somewhere between the olive oil and their wine glass. Unbelievable. Pay attention to who is in front of you- show them your world- open up, and connect! Show your interest by listening, making eye contact, leaning slightly forward so it seems like you’re hanging on every word that leaves their mouth- make them feel like they are the only person on Earth.

I don’t care if you’re food shopping, in line for coffee, picking up your dry cleaning, walking the beach, or whatever- put away the phone- look around- be observant- go meet someone!

Patrick Coleman, President and Head Dating Coach of www.PhillyDatingCoach.com is passionate about coaching singles looking to improve their communication and dating skills to find true love. Patrick may be reached at patrick@phillydatingcoach.com for any inquiries regarding his dating coaching programs in the Philadelphia and surrounding areas.

Mind Tricks

I remember going to surf one day years ago- the surf was very big and few surfers even thought of paddling out; of those few even made it out. I did make it out, and sat on my board intimidated by the size of the surf- but I pushed myself to takeoff on a very big wave. I gave it my all, paddled as hard as I could, and dropped into a 10ft wave which barreled over my head. The feeling was exhilarating! I felt high as a kite all day- like I was a god! I suddenly had enormous amounts of confidence which lasted all week. In fact that day when I made it back to my office, I didn’t even hesitate to call two very important prospects which I had been putting off for a while. I landed a meeting with both of them within an hour!

It’s amazing how your mind plays a role in how you approach unrelated activities throughout the day. Surfing has absolutely nothing to do with Wall Street- but my bravery and success in the ocean provided me with the confidence to make two important prospecting calls later that day. The positive mental attitude was virul, and made my entire work week productive and painless. I somehow exuded a natural confidence that people could see in person, and hear over the phone. I felt like nothing could ruin my week, even if I was rejected by some prospective clients I still had the enthusiasm and confidence to push forward. Yet again, surfing has nothing to do with my business- so how did I let this happen?

Here’s the point- don’t let any BAD experiences during your day ruin any future opportunities, related or not. Having the right positive mindset is necessary to be successful in life. Suppose I had a near drowning experience earlier that day- would I have even made those two important prospect calls? Why would I permit my surfing performance to affect my business? Not only is a positive mindset necessary before you approach an activity, it’s necessary you maintain a positive mental attitude even if you fail, or get rejected. Furthermore, people can absolutely sense your state of mind- your posture, mannerisms, tone of voice, and facial expressions tell a story about your inner harmony, or turmoil. If you expect failure, you will certainly get it.

Ok, so here’s a story relevant to dating specifically. I was in line at a local Cafe and noticed an attractive woman in front of me, however I could tell she was having a bad day: her head was down, eyes down, and she was frowning a lot. Instead of avoiding her, which is what most people would do, I decided to approach her. I saw she was also struggling with the short menu, so with a smile I said: “everything here is great, but if you want something really different, try the “shakshuka”, you’ll love it.” She turned around, smiled, and then asked for more help- but her whole attitude seemed to change. I was offering genuine help as a friendly stranger, and she responded positively. I steered her towards a good recommendation, and we continued our conversation on one of the couches. Generally, others would avoid people who display negativity, or show they’re “closed”- but this proves my point- she was obviously carrying some emotional baggage from earlier in the day with her. Her “closed” signals were rather strong, but they were unintentional. Turns out she was single, even though I’m not- a great opportunity for someone else. How many of you carry this emotional negativity with you throughout the day? Imagine how it might affect other opportunities you’re not even aware of yet!

So don’t let any bad experiences carry over into the rest of your day especially if they have nothing to do with each other. Each experience throughout your day is most likely completely unrelated- so don’t allow your state of mind to create a bridge which could hurt your performance. I suppose there is a chain of causation in life, but don’t fabricate links where there shouldn’t be. Attitude is everything- be positive- people will gravitate to positive energy when they sense it.

What Women Want…

The title seems a bit daring, but I’m a man and grew up with a twin sister, and I’m a great dating coach, so I don’t think I have to put forth any more credentials than that. I’m going to make this post very blunt- I’m not one to beat around the bush.

Women want hunters, not gatherers. Women want men who still exhibit that primal instinct to go get what they want, not beg or ask for it. Hunters show assertiveness, and little fear. Real men don’t fall victim to their own circumstances, or wait for great things to happen- they make it happen, no matter what they do, or where they go.

Women want to see a lot of confidence in a man. Women want to see a man who can walk into a room, and take control; a man who ‘naturally exudes confidence’. A Man is very sure of himself and his direction; he knows who he is and what he wants, he’s also comfortable with making improvements and confronting his problems. Confidence is a natural thing- it cannot be rehearsed and women can sense an insecure, unconfident man immediately. Walk the walk- talk is cheap.

Women want genuineness, not ’swagger’ which is almost always fake. A man, who is secure in himself and comfortable in his own skin, naturally exudes confidence that’s impossible to forge. Many men still don’t know ‘who’ they are yet, and that’s fine- it’s a process. But a guy who has to drive the BMW, or talk about his career, or talk like a rap star or someone else who he’s not, is a fraud. You may be able to afford all the finer things in life, but genuineness cannot be bought. So, if you still go out pretending to be someone you’re not, every woman will be able tell you’re a fraud. Remember- you attract who you are: if you’re insecure, you’ll attract an insecure woman. If you truly want to Connect, you have to know who you are first. Finding yourself is imperative- I’ve helped many men with this issue.

Women want a sexual connection, not another ‘friend’. Being a nice guy goes very far, but women who seek a meaningful relationship seek that hunter with a sexual appetite. Women want to feel attractive, and like to be pursued. It’s a turn off for women if the man has no sexual aura, or is afraid to show attraction though physical contact. Making contact with the woman’s hand on a date is a must- a sexual and physical attraction is part of any relationship. Don’t be afraid to make physical contact on a date, just be sensitive to her comfort levels. A man who is afraid to make physical contact out of ‘respect’ for the woman is really just afraid- he must overcome this if he wants sex appeal.

There is a very modern problem today that really didn’t exist 15-20 years ago. Women today are very career driven and successful, and as a result they have acquired some very masculine qualities: they have become very dominant, very confident, and very assertive. All these qualities are perfect for the professional world, which is why they’re successful. I personally prefer a woman who is in control of her own destiny, however many guys out there are very unprepared. It still doesn’t change the game- women still want a real Man. The modern problem is that more men are becoming feminine, while more women are becoming hunters. I have successfully coached many guys to become the ‘man’ they need to be by drawing out those masculine traits, and highlighting them.

A real man is genuine- period. He loves himself and it shows because he naturally exudes confidence. You can be a real man and still go to the art museum, I do- but it doesn’t mean you lose your hunter instinct.

If you’re interested in learning more, please contact me- I’ve successfully helped men & women looking to attract their ideal partners through my coaching programs.

Patrick Coleman, President and Head Dating Coach of www.PhillyDatingCoach.com is passionate about coaching singles looking to improve their communication and dating skills to find true love. Patrick may be reached at patrick@phillydatingcoach.com for any inquiries regarding his coaching programs in the Philadelphia and surrounding areas.

Your Natural Instincts

One of my passions is something called “freediving”: it’s breath-hold underwater diving. That’s right- I don’t use any scuba tanks, and just need one breath to dive deep into the ocean. I have completed dives nearly 100ft deep, and I’ve been able to hold my breath for just under 5 minutes (4:48 to be exact). Sound unnatural? You’re wrong- it’s actually natural for us to be in water. All humans were developed in utero, in a nutrient rich, mostly water based solution so we have a familiarity with water- a special bond. But each day that goes by, we distance ourselves from this instinct called the Mammalian Diving reflex. Again- this is instinct, even though you now may panic in water, once you were comfortable in water.

So- what’s my point? I’m telling you to get in touch with your natural instincts- many of which are distant echoes that need to be summoned. All children are naturally curious, perceptive, and have a strong desire to connect to others in conversation, and through physical contact. But as most children develop, their parents start to set boundaries, telling them “no” more and more frequently. “Don’t talk to strangers” or “Don’t bother those people,” or “Don’t speak unless spoken to”. Look at how the bad patterns have made many of us feel awkward when approaching a stranger, or even anxious when approaching the opposite sex.

It’s our upbringing, our parents, and our school system that has stifled our natural abilities to connect with other people, and to “color within the lines”, which also stunts our creative development.

Despite all the bad patterns, we can unlearn all the wrongs. Remember, you have instincts that have been stifled- you just have to get in touch with them. So, let’s get you to the point where conversation with strangers is easy, where connecting is natural again, and where physical contact as a form of communication is ok. Try the following exercises:
Have casual conversations with at least 7 strangers every day, 5 of which must be the opposite sex. Use the surroundings to give you ideas: no talking about the weather, their job or other boring overused questions.
When you find yourself in a good conversation, ask them an emotionally charged question- start with “How would you feel”, or “What are your feelings about”. You’ll be surprised by how willing people are to share their feelings.
When you’re on a first date, and you feel a mutual attraction- make some mild physical contact- start with their hands, see if they respond. Arms are next, and leg touching is a huge sign of attraction- be aware of their responses. Keeping yourself distant might make you good ‘friend’ material- but men & women seek sexual attraction.

It took me months to not panic in an open ocean environment, and dive by only taking one breath. I’m not asking you to try freediving, which does have natural roots. I’m asking you to find your natural communication abilities- this is much easier, right? Talk to everyone you can as often as you can- all your bad habits, and bad patterns can be broken in due time, it just takes practice. Ultimately, you’ll only make more friends and get rid of that “approach anxiety”!

Patrick Coleman, President and Head Dating Coach of www.PhillyDatingCoach.com is passionate about coaching singles looking to improve their communication and dating skills to find true love. Patrick may be reached at patrick@phillydatingcoach.com for any inquiries regarding his coaching programs in the Philadelphia and surrounding areas.

Men, Listen Up…

Tell me why you thought you would be successful meeting women at the Georgia O’Keefe exhibit? Or in that yoga class? You have no business being there. Sure, a lot of women will be in attendance, but your presence there is contrived- you’re not fooling anyone. You have no interest in the matters at hand, so what are you going to talk about? How are you possibly going to engage, let alone connect, with anyone there? You’re a fraud, and it’s really really obvious. Nobody likes a poser.

Sorry, but Ihad to vent- this needed to be said. This is particularly a big problem men choose to create. Meeting people in public can be a beautiful thing, particularly if it’s random and not by design. However, purposely putting yourself in a foreign environment for the purpose of meeting women is time well wasted and horribly ineffective, not to mention embarrassing to watch- ever see “Jersey Shore”? The whole point of the dating process is to LEARN about the other person so both can determine if there’s a match. Crowbarring yourself into an environment where you’re not knowledgeable, and not comfortable, makes you an obvious fraud. Here are some thoughts to consider:
Put yourself in an environment where you’re comfortable, and knowledgeable- you’ll have plenty to talk about.
Being in a comfortable environment removes a lot of stress; it will only seem ‘natural’ for you to be there and your presence is genuine
Ultimately, if both parties are in a friendly environment which promotes communication and a learning experience- a connection is much more likely

Don’t crowbar yourself into an obvious awkward situation. Change the venue for the sake of promoting communication- you’ll look genuine and maintain integrity- she’ll also see there’s no ulterior motive and want to reveal her feelings and thoughts.

Patrick Coleman, President and Head Dating Coach of www.PhillyDatingCoach.com is passionate about coaching singles looking to improve their communication and dating skills to find true love. Patrick may be reached at patrick@phillydatingcoach.com for any inquiries regarding his coaching programs in the Philadelphia and surrounding areas.