Should I Have a Wingman?

A lot of people ask me my opinion about having a wingman- and my answer varies, but only slightly. Lemme explain.

If you have “approach anxiety” because you don’t have the confidence to meet people on your own, then having a wingman can be beneficial. Your wingman however should be your role model- someone you ‘aspire’ to be because they can approach any woman and start an engaging conversation. Find a friend who is a natural conversationalist, a natural socialite- look at how he walks, talks, and most importantly observe his body language. A man that naturally exudes confidence attracts women- this is the man you want to learn from- he should be your wingman. Remember- CONFIDENCE attracts women. Standing there, staring at a woman is creepy and uncomfortable- she will notice your hesitation and lack of confidence and likely exhibit ‘uncomfortable’ body language if you even approach at all.

Women, you should find a ‘wingman’ who knows how to flirt. Find a friend who knows how to smile, who knows how to use her body language to get guys to come her way. Watch the way she walks, the way she enters the room- study her body language- what is it about her that attracts men? She will certainly know how to ‘work’ the room to find a man who can catch her attention, and keep it. She will be fun, and is your first choice for a wingman. As I explained in my last blog, ‘women’s night out’ will only deter most men from approaching you.

Most guys go wrong by selecting a wingman of equal or even less talent. Ultimately they both end up leaning against the wall, with their hands in their pockets staring at women, making comments all night: “wow, that woman is beautiful, after this drink I’m going to go talk to her.” But neither guy ever makes a move and they spend the entire night elbowing each other in the ribs, gawking at the women. Better yet are the excuses I hear, like: “my game isn’t on tonight, so maybe you should talk to her.” What’s worse is the consoling between wingmen when one gets shot down: “That’s okay buddy, she wasn’t as hot as I thought she was anyway”- sour grapes. A Wingman is supposed to help you improve your skills through constructive criticism and leading by example.

The best answer to the wingman question is to not have one at all. If I’m out on my own, I don’t have to put up with my friend’s thoughts on the woman I’m attracted to, and want to approach- I don’t need his approval. Frankly, women see a man on his own as a confident man. Would an insecure man wander into a social scene and approach multiple women unless he had confidence? I also don’t need any wingman support because I’m smart about ‘where’ I meet women. I stick to my comfort places like the beach where I am an authority and therefore very confident. A woman watching me on the beach would immediately recognize me as being very relaxed- if I approach her she will therefore be very relaxed which makes conversation very easy. If I connect with her, asking for her number or a date will only be a natural progression.

Women- as I explained before in other blogs you are twice as likely to be approached by a man if you are not part of a group, or if you are by yourself. The best advice I can give to any woman looking to meet men is to stick with your comfort places. If you are comfortable and relaxed, your body language will show it- you will appear “open and approachable” and men will come your way. When you’re ‘open’ you gain complete control over ‘who’ you attract by throwing smiles, looks, and flirty words in their direction.

If you can, go without a wingman unless you need some pointers- then find a wingman you can emulate.