I can remember a time when cell phones couldn’t text, didn’t have “apps”, and weren’t attached to people wherever they went. Going out to Old City meant you would have to communicate with someone by engaging them in conversation- it was all about the approach then. Everyone was out to have fun with the friends they were with, and they were looking to connect with new people, to make new friends through personal interaction. If I met someone that night, we exchanged phone numbers, and maybe email (maybe). I can remember the excitement of checking my voicemail when I returned home, or checking my email the next day to see if my correspondence was answered.
Look around the room when you’re out on the town next time- how many people have their heads down, eyes glued on the CrackBerry, texting or emailing other people who aren’t even in the room? Can you believe this- they’re surrounded by complete strangers, and they’re choosing to talk to people somewhere far away?! Ridiculous. How are people going to connect if they arrive with their smart phone in their hands? People today are letting technology kill intimacy, romance, and the art of conversation.
Imagine all the opportunities you miss to meet new people because your head is down, pecking away at your keys, texting. When I’m in line at my local cafe, half the people there have their eyes glued to their iPhone, or BlackBerry. None of these people were wearing a wedding ring either- all of them were single. And the opportunities to chat with a stranger, the chances to interact with someone new, to have interesting conversations, is lost. Open your eyes- look around- go introduce yourself. Turn off your phone, or at least put it on ’silent’ mode. No email, text, or IM is that important that you cannot wait for a few minutes. How can you interpret the posture of the single woman in front of you if you’re not looking her way? Women- how can you notice which men are looking your way if you’re constantly checking your email? How can eye contact be made between people in the same room, or sharing the same sidewalk, or in the same checkout line, if your attention is on your phone.
Women- this is especially important for you. People are waiting to connect, people are just dying to meet new people- are you available? I have no qualms about approaching an attractive woman who is glued to her phone, but I can see how most men would interpret her behavior as “closed for business”. All men have their eyes on you, and they look at you several times an hour (about 20 times) if they’re attracted to you. They are waiting for you to make eye contact with them, and smile; they want to see a change in your posture that tells them “approach me”.
You’ll never know how many opportunities you’ve missed already- they’re gone forever.
What’s worse is what I see happening on dates. Men & Women are guilty of bringing their cell phones with them to dinner! Just last week at Radicchio’s, there was a couple next to me- each of them had a home for their phone- somewhere between the olive oil and their wine glass. Unbelievable. Pay attention to who is in front of you- show them your world- open up, and connect! Show your interest by listening, making eye contact, leaning slightly forward so it seems like you’re hanging on every word that leaves their mouth- make them feel like they are the only person on Earth.
I don’t care if you’re food shopping, in line for coffee, picking up your dry cleaning, walking the beach, or whatever- put away the phone- look around- be observant- go meet someone!
Patrick Coleman, President and Head Dating Coach of www.PhillyDatingCoach.com is passionate about coaching singles looking to improve their communication and dating skills to find true love. Patrick may be reached at patrick@phillydatingcoach.com for any inquiries regarding his dating coaching programs in the Philadelphia and surrounding areas.
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