Ladies, Are You Available?

I took a leisurely walk to check my PO Box on Chestnut street as I do usually every day during the lunch hour when people spill out into the street. I make a habit of observing everything around me; the sights, the sounds and especially the people. As I make my way down 3rd I give a look and a smile to everyone that passes me by, and maybe even a “How are you?” if you give me a head nod. Every time someone acknowledges my ‘hello’, or even my existence, I look at the situation like it’s another opportunity to meet someone new. I’ve met a lot of people waiting at a red light, just striking up a conversation about a local restaurant, or asking their opinion about something timely in Philly. Every time I make myself available to have a conversation, I create an opportunity to meet someone new. I create opportunities!

So, now you understand my mindset. What actually happened on the way to my PO Box was unfortunately way too common. I passed exactly 42 women during my roundtrip- only two women actually acknowledged I was even there! I got one hello, and one head nod- all the others didn’t even make eye contact with me! Some had their heads buried in their BlackBerrys, or their eyes were glued to the ground. Now to add some comedy to my story, I am actually a good looking guy, tall, a good dresser and in great shape too. I’m only saying this because I think it would be more of a reason for the opposite sex to at least make eye contact. Why does this happen? The women saw me, or they would have walked right into me- right?

Here are the three most popular excuses women, and particularly women, have for not making eye contact- and they are all just excuses.
Paranoia. “I don’t want every guy to think I’m attracted to him.” Men are not going to think you’re attracted to them because you merely acknowledged their existence. Men are just visual animals- if you asked any man to create their perfect girlfriend, they would first go into a physical description before they described personality. If men look at you it’s because they are physically attracted to you, this is an opportunity- try having a conversation first before you judge them. Here is the other one I hear: “I’m in public and they’re strangers- what if they’re psychos or stalkers?” Fact: there is statistically a greater chance of getting struck by lightning, than having an alleged ”psycho” misinterpret your ‘hello’ as a sexual ‘buy signal’ and they stalk you all the way to your business in the middle of the day- this is not going to happen.
“Men Should Make the First Move” The irony behind this statement is that it’s most often said by single women; my typical retort is: “well, how is your waiting strategy working out for you?” I do somewhat agree that men should be making the first move, but only because I’m one of the 5% of men out there who will approach anyone, even those who particularly look unapproachable. The fact is men will not approach you if your body language says “stay away”. Staring at the ground, making love to your Blackberry, avoiding eye contact, or crossing your arms are not buy signals for men. Even the most confident man will hesitate approaching a woman he’s attracted to if she looks like she’s unavailable, uninterested, or cold. Look, ladies, the only work you have to do is display body language that says you’re available. If you make eye contact with a man and smile he will come over- I call that ‘encouragement’. Learn to control your body language- show everyone that you’re available and men will want to meet you. You, however, can control your dating life by encouraging the attractive men to approach you by smiling, making eye contact, saying “hello”, and just flirting.
Location: “I go to meet men elsewhere, when I’m dressed up and go out.” Isn’t it better to casually run into a local man who frequents the same spots you do on a regular basis than give a total stranger, likely under the influence of alcohol, your number at a bar? Men don’t have an agenda when they’re at Wholefoods, or walking back to the office from lunch. Also, if you see an attractive man at Wholefoods, you’re likely to see him again because he’s a local- isn’t this convenient too? If you’re attracted to a man, flirt with him, and encourage him to come over. The best places to meet men are those places that are part of your daily routine!

I try to be brief- but it never works! The message here is that if you’re not making yourself available, you’re passing up several opportunities everyday to meet the man of your dreams, or make new friends. I’m not asking you to do a lot of work- just be approachable and you’ll double your chances of having a man you’re attracted to, approach you. If you are friendly, we are friendly; if you are cold- we are cold. Get your eyes off the ground and away from your iPhone- observe who’s looking at you, and attract the ones you want to meet. I have a menu of courses just for women, in the “Women Only” drop down box at the top of my home page.